Depression Costs $5,000US
Scattered pieces of mail litter the floor near the entrance to my apartment. I have no desire to pick them up, much less read them. Some of the mail lay untouched for over three months. Others have shoeprints on them.

This condition has persisted since the company I worked for three years ago let me go. I didn't care for anything sent to me. During one of my brighter moments, I managed to notice two of my company's final paychecks. The sum of the two checks totaled over $5,000. Compared to the money I was earning previously, that amounted to only a few pennies. I threw them into a pile, intending to deposit them into my savings account at some arbitrary point in the near future. Not really caring about what I was doing, I also threw several pieces of junk mail onto the same pile.

About one year passed. One day I noticed a pile of junk mail I had. I was about to throw all of them in the trash, but out of my habit as a junk collector I quickly went through them one by one to make sure I didn't find something I might want to keep. Much to my surprise, I saw the two last paychecks my company sent me. Oh shit. By that time I spent all the money in my savings account. I rushed out of my apartment to the bank and tried to deposit them. The checks did not clear. In vain, I frantically tried to call my company and ask them to reissue my checks. Luckily, my company still existed, but almost the entire staff changed. I knew the former comptroller intimately (she was a very cute, friendly, and intelligent blonde (how often do you see that?) with a bright smile), but I didn't know the new guy at all. I repeatedly left several messages on his voicemail, but all of them went unanswered.

I used the last bit of my energy to go to my city's legal offices to find out if I had any recourse. I thought I heard them say that I could file a lawsuit. By that point, however, I had absolutely no energy left, and I didn't feel like I had the endurance to fight it out in court. I dejectedly walked home feeling utterly defeated.

Later I found out that the company lost a lot of money since I left. They were actually in the process of merging with a larger company. Economic conditions forced the old staff to reduce to fewer than 20 employees. For the new comptroller, reissuing checks to an employee he never even heard of probably didn't rank very high on his list of priorities.

You would think that I learned a lesson from all this. It did confirm my belief that the best way to hurt rich people is by making them poor. The strength of my depression, however, made any desire to permanently change my habits dwindle to nothing. Unopened pieces of mail still lie dormant on my floor. I have little hope that that will change in the foreseeable future.

I could really use $5,000 right about now.